Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
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