And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
