Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
