I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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