my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
