your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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