Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
