If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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