I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
