So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
