Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
