So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
