im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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