I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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