stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
