I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
