What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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