that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
