I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
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She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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