i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
