I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
