oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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