i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
