At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
