also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
