Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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