I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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