Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
