On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
