The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
