my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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