he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You pole danced in your parka.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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