Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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