we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
porn star boner night. come get it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
