i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
