I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Randomize
