I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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