i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
