I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
