i'm signing you up for texting rehab
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
