I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
soo... how was my night?
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