Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
