Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
