They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
