He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
