I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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