And to think..we used to do everything sober...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
