btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
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I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize