walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
