I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
