i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
