he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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