Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
