I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
