I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked into jail on foursquare
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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