we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
