Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
