I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
