So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
