What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i need some magic done to my vagina
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
