I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
