i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
