she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
