Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
