i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
