No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
