Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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