I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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