Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
