summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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